My holiday interrupted some blogging, with me not having much to say or time to say it over the Christmas stretch. I had a good time with my family. I will say that they are not very religious, except my dad. My holidays do not really revolve around Christ, but rather just an excuse to see family. In all honesty, I am not so religious either. To be completely clear, I am not some Jesus fanatic, despite being the reincarnation of Him. I’m just kinda a “normal” guy that is trying to make his way in a complicated world, while dealing with many of the same problems that others are.

I studied psychology in undergrad as a part of my individualized studies major. Although I do not try to pathologies religious experiences, I can say (which most people would agree with) that all of the prophets have had or would have their fair share of psychological issues, not to mention assessments. That is why I do resort to certain labels, as labels are there to help define certain situations or experiences.

In my case, I have bipolar disorder. It causes me to feel very DID inside some days and/or some nights. It’s good I started this blog as I work through a transition period in life, because having bipolar disorder does make things pretty chaotic. I’ve been staying up a bit later lately just to do some extra planning after spending time with my family and friends during the day. It seems all my plans are going in different directions, as I struggle to keep up when I’m down or down when I’m up.

My authenticity group starts next week. However, I’m thinking about maybe taking a break from my job to prepare, or just flat out quitting. A part of me feels that a part of the problem with my voice (or the lack thereof) has been me masking all day at work. I really do not have the voice that I want to have in the retail sales job that I have been working. I am afraid that I might get overly excited at work and tell people too much while I go through this transition period. Instead of declaring myself Christ or telling people that I am a CIA asset, it might help me to move into a more authentic life if I were to just write full time, knowing that my workcentricism will get me to where I need to go.

Right now it feels like a bit of a coin toss. In addition to me having moved past my writers block, I am signed up for an into art class at a community college to help inspire my love for the visual arts. I have been increasingly motivated to get creative again after a long stretch of writers block with no art made either after being re-medicated for bipolar disorder. My writing and art had to be put aside for a while to adjust to new meds. The sales job may have helped clear my brain as I adjusted, but I feel like it’s not accommodating my needs for my ENTJ personality type to thrive.

The reason I take these tests because they are useful in accommodating my needs as an individual unit, since not everybody is wired the same. I don’t take these tests just to know myself or compare. I take them because they help me to make decisions to live the best possible life that I can live, with the tests being almost like a religion to me in this new temple of God. I am not a moral absolutist that thinks everyone needs to follow the same doctrine as a doctrine that should not change. Psychological tests accommodate the needs of psychological cases, with every case being so different, even if they are not as “psychological.”

What has also been helping me get more clarity is getting an intensive neural chiropractic package that I think it’s transforming some of the ways I operate. I am not entirely sure, but holistic practices tend to be subtle in nature, but they aid big results. I plan on catching up with my provider about this on Monday while doing some more research into what my options are, but if I am going to leave my job after a busy holiday season, now would be the time to do it because I start class in two weeks, so the two weeks notice thing would be appropriate to do soon.

Although I am still unsure about the MFA program, I would be doing it along with my art class, as well as the authenticity course and also a support group for human trafficking survivors, which is another long story that I have not gotten into yet. The point is that I have a lot of moving parts right now. At least it’s a new year soon and my goals all seem so far manageable, even if they are not always so concrete.

On Christmas Eve, I finished the book “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert. The book got my mind churning and my creative juices flowing. Even though some writers swear by their jobs, not all of them have had similar vocations to being Jesus Christ reincarnated, which is a lot more complicated than just trying to pitch a best seller.

I think my case is a little different than just being a writer that is trying to “make it,” so I need to almost isolate myself further into this situation by going inward to go outward, which is one of the directions that God told me to do when He appeared to me during a seven day fast in the woods of New York.

So I have met God, like the prophets all have. Therefore, I know that I do need to make it also a point to get this information out. A shopping mall though, as I once described myself to be in with a situation of options, as I now know, is not the place to spread the word, or even utilize a life when it’s clearly just causing a further censorship of self, but within a censorship of cell-f, referring to the surveillance situation that I have going on, which someday you will all be made aware of.